Recently, our 22 month old boy L has been throwing tantrums before meals. He cries and demands milk, and would throw away the spoon and swipe at the bowl if you try to force food onto him. Our helper doesn’t know what to do so she would promise him milk after the meal, give him fresh milk in a cup to go with the meal, and sit there painfully spoon feeding him! Trying to get him to eat.
A few days ago, he woke up late from his nap and we were having lunch already. Our helper immediately started talking to him and said it was lunch time. Like reflex, he started demanding his milk! I think that was the first mistake, we shouldn’t be constantly offering things to a 2 year old toddler, especially when he had just woken up! Now I hold no degree in childhood education, but I try to look at nature and how other mammals, (including earlier humans) raise their children. Parents nowadays shower their kids with attention, but in nature or in the old days, adults are predominantly occupied with work - hunting for food and looking out for predators. Although we don’t have to hunt for food any more, we should still be modeling ourselves for the children to follow and learn from!
As for dealing with tantrums, one thing I learned from a “daddy support group” is to face it with Zen-like calm. I told our helper to continue doing her work and not respond to my son, then I smile and calmly answer his cries saying: “milk time is at 3 o’clock, it’s lunch time now, Daddy needs to eat his food now and you can eat yours on your own table.” Of course, kids at this age don’t relent easily, they’ll try things to influence you. In this case, I believe meal time should be strictly observed so I don’t give in to his demands. Whatever he does, I simply smile at him calmly, sometimes repeating the “meal time, milk time” thing. Eventually, after he has tried everything he could, he climbed up the table and took a spoonful of his food! So I helped him bring his food to his little table and he sat there and ate all by himself! The helper was surprised and impressed!
If we just look back at nature, there’s so much we can learn about the adults children relationship dynamics. I think we just need to remember that parents should act like the alpha male and the matriarch, we need to become their role models instead of following their lead! Just by understanding this alone will make a huge difference in the dynamics in your relationships with your children.