Heads up: This post is 14 years old. My thinking may have evolved since then — read it with that in mind.
Aug 1st, today’s playgroup can be summarized by one word. Calmness. Both L and C played very well together at my apartment. They shared snacks together and L, who was having problems turning over plates and throwing foods, even helped cleanup the table for both of them!
The incident that took the day’s calmness to the top was once again Sarah’s reaction to a toddler’s “wrong doing”. While Sarah was reading from a story book to her son, L went over and took Sarah’s water bottle, which she put on top of the bookshelf, opened its cap, drank a sip of it, and then pour the rest onto the floor!!
Sarah was sitting right beside it but she didn’t even flinched! She didn’t even raise her voice, but just calmly said “Oh, you’ve poured my water onto the floor. I don’t have anymore water to drink, and there’s also a puddle of water on the floor now, what are we gonna do?” Then she continued reading the book to C.
I thought that was very impressive. Calmly stating what had happened and your feelings about it, how it affected you, with not even a hint of angry or annoyance, so the kid won’t feel bad but still knows he had done something that the other person don’t like.
I think Sarah’s not giving a reaction also seemed to surprised L, so perhaps he was looking for a reaction!
This is something that I need to learn to do a lot better! State your stance calmly but firmly. Remove all traces of “angriness” or “annoyance” in your tone, because when a child hears that, he knows his action had triggered some emotional response in you, and he’ll want to see and explore that response again! (Hence people think kids are pushing their buttons.)