Heads up: This post is 13 years old. My thinking may have evolved since then — read it with that in mind.
Today’s playgroup had 14 babies. Now, I understand why Magda Gerber limited her RIE playgroups to just 6 babies. If you’re teaching the parents how to observe and develop an attachment with their babies, 6-8 is really the maximum you can keep track of at once.
Some of the parents already knew each other and were familiar with the space. They jumped right in to playtime. Within 15 minutes, I saw several behavior patterns that are typical of local parents. I addressed them one by one to the group.
A baby was sitting by herself, eyeing some toy further away, another was playing with a toy, their moms completely ignored the fact that both babies were concentrating on something, and stuffed some other toys in front of their babies faces! “Hey! Look at this! Play with this!” What they’ve done is they distracted their babies, cutting short what would’ve been great exercises of concentration, observation and exploration. As adults, we need to be always mindful of not interrupting babies!
Then, there were two babies playing with the same toy. Since they were just 7, 8 months old, both have limited mobility, just sitting there, each holding the toy with one hand. It’s a wonderful opportunity for them to learn to socialize. But their moms immediately butt in, repeatedly said: “sharing, sharing”, one mom took the toy away from her baby and gave it to the other baby, then picked her baby and sat her away, giving her another random toy.
As parents, we’re so afraid of our kids becoming brats that fight for toys and don’t know how to be nice and share things and socialize. I think that’s the reason why most parents would do the same thing as the above two moms. Ironically, it’s this same action that causes their kids to become what they fear. Don’t be afraid, let your baby interact with another baby! So that by the time they’re 2 and have the strength to punch people, they’ve already learned to empathize and play nicely with others.
Finally, a few of the moms were talking with each other while holding their babies. This doesn’t sound too bad, does it? However, in RIE, we’ve learned it’s not ideal to be physically connected with your baby but meanwhile, you’re not paying any attention to her. Instead, give her your full attention when she needs it and during daily routines like washing, feeding, diaper changing. Other than that, allow her to freely explore and play independently.